This is going to be a sad, sad week, for several reasons…

One being that I’m going to take the week off from running. I’ve been to the chiropractor twice now to get straightened out and alleviate this knee pain. The knee was fine yesterday and has been fine today as well. However, I suppose in my over-achieving ways I pulled a muscle in my right calf stretching Saturday afternoon. It has been very painful both yesterday and today — good thing I had already planned to take the week off. I’m still watching MCM bibs.

Another being that I’m not going to get to go to the First 100 in Buford 😦 very sad about that.

Another begin that Sari Beri has 2 away games this week and I’m not going to get to go to either of them.

Another being that we had planned a “Sending Off” party for BIG Tom and that’s not going to work out.

And the BIGGEST is that BIG Tom will be leaving for college on Friday. This is just another “dismantling” of our family, so to speak. Things around here will be very quiet and different without him and his sarcastic ways 😦

I did a lot of soul searching and thinking last night about why this makes me so sad and why things have been so different over the past 7 years. I thought about some stuff I’ve never thought about before, stuff I’ve been afraid to confront, and basically this is the self-psychoanalysis I came up with:

When I was 22 I had our first baby, a year later, another one, 3 1/2 years after that another, and then 2 1/2 year later the last of our 4 children. Those were the child bearing years and this completed our family. For the next 10 years it was pretty much sheer bliss, the BEST 10 years of my life. I enjoyed so much being a family together, the 6 of us. I don’t ever recall the kids picking on each other, badgering each other or fighting. Everyone got along, we were “One for All and All for One”, and we had a great time — or at least I think we did. Then the dreaded day came when we took our first off to college — that was w/o a doubt the worst day of my life. [Even worse than the day I buried my 18 year old sister.] I knew on that day, that things would never be the same again.

It’s funny, when you are having kids [the child bearing years], all along the way you have family portraits made. You never really know if this will be the last child or if there will be others. Your family grows and you have another family portraits made… on and on… but on the down side, when the family is shrinking, no one has family portraits made then. We just had one taken the other day because we had to for a pictorial directory at church and it felt so odd because this wasn’t all our family — only 2 kids in the picture. Anyway… there I go rambling.

So, when we took that first child to college I felt as if a piece of my heart had been ripped out. Then the second child left… another piece of my heart. Now the third. I feel like the best of my life is over, those 10 years when we were all together. It will never be like that again, it will never be that good again. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it will be. I can only hope. I know however that the worst is yet to come and that is in 3 years when we take the last one to college and we become empty nesters. That may be more difficult than the first, I’m just not sure.

So, if you think about me this week, pray for me, pray for us. It’s going to be a sad week 😦


1 Response to “8.20.07”

  1. 1 Meg Doster August 21, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    One thing is for sure – life is full of changes. I too have found each “change” to be somewhat heart-wrenching. But as you know our Rock and Anchor – our precious Lord and Savior – never changes. As my Aunt used to say – the best you can give your children are roots and wings! How true!

    My prayers and thoughts are with you. Love, Meg

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